she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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