where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
