just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
