I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
