this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
