We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
