google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
