Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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