she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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