I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
