he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
