she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
