I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
