Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?