Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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(814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli

Replies (16) Good night (1009) Bad night (3998)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

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(203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190

Replies (27) Good night (8060) Bad night (1532)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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(717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf

Replies (10) Good night (5147) Bad night (987)
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(907): View more from Alaska

My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.

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(907): My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic. http://tfl.nu/erca

Replies (3) Good night (2236) Bad night (1349)
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(239): View more from Florida

I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.

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(239): I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore. http://tfl.nu/vgm4

Replies (7) Good night (1860) Bad night (847)
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(708): View more from Illinois

he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.

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(708): he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay. http://tfl.nu/sfnl

Replies (6) Good night (1335) Bad night (792)
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(817): View more from Texas

No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...

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(817): No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex... http://tfl.nu/th3v

Replies (7) Good night (1659) Bad night (600)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.

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(832): You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life. http://tfl.nu/rg4t

Replies (3) Good night (1225) Bad night (604)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.

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(250): There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo. http://tfl.nu/qbed

Replies (11) Good night (1417) Bad night (557)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'

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(678): I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.' http://tfl.nu/e36d

Replies (5) Good night (985) Bad night (436)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

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(717): You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING? http://tfl.nu/nnf3

Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (386)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it

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(267): I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it http://tfl.nu/ro1j

Replies (0) Good night (478) Bad night (348)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?

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(615): Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation? http://tfl.nu/r601

Replies (2) Good night (339) Bad night (503)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE

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(201): Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE http://tfl.nu/qbca

Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (484)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward

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(952): The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward http://tfl.nu/x03l

Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (201)

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