I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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