Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.