girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.