the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
