Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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