Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
