exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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