well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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