Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
