Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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