They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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