just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
being pregnant is like rehab
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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