kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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