I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
