SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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