i permit you to call me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
