my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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