feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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