I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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