Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
