I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I am morally bankrupt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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