I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
