Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
