now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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