dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
