i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
