I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
