He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
