There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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