i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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