its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
