Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
