I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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