I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
