his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
