One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
