Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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