My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
