just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
