i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
