sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
