There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
