man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
