I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wish my penis had a tongue
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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