Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
