we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
why is half of my head shaved?
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