everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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