I'm gonna have a badass scar
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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