In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
